Wow, Disney dusted off the old hype machine to tease a bunch of “new” things coming to their parks that aren’t really that new or exciting.
A Hatbox Ghost at the Haunted Mansion? Revolutionary! That old attraction definitely needed a random new animatronic character to keep it fresh.
The Country Bears getting new songs? How groundbreaking. I’m sure glad they’re shaking up that timeless, beloved classic. Eyes rolling!
Big changes coming to Magic Kingdom on the scale of Pandora or Galaxy’s Edge? Wake me up when there’s an actual announcement, not just more cryptic teasing.
Re-theming Dinoland? Snore. That land has been lame for ages. I’ll believe the hype when there’s a concrete plan.
The new Epcot nighttime show is called Luminous? Oh, dare to dream! Never heard a generic name like that for a Disney show before!
Updating Test Track and bringing back Figment? Disney is really digging deep into their bag of nostalgia to drum up excitement.
New cruise ships with zero details revealed? Sounds more like a pitch for Disney Cruise stock. And new Fantasy Springs lands we’ve known about for eons? Show me something truly new, Disney!
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of Disney’s overblown hype for vague plans and underwhelming updates to stale rides and shows. Call me when there’s a real new Fantasyland or Tomorrowland-scale addition in a Disney park. Until then, wake me from this hype machine-induced nap!